Comments on: Put Up or Shut Up: A Tough Love Perspective on Women in SCA Fighting http://swordmaiden.com A Resource for Women Fighters in the SCA Fri, 10 Oct 2008 20:51:44 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.5.1 By: Krystal http://swordmaiden.com/combat/toughlove/#comment-8315 Krystal Sun, 31 Aug 2008 17:03:25 +0000 http://swordmaiden.com/combat/toughlove/#comment-8315 As a female fighter from another similar sport - I feel compelled to print this off and hand it to each and every other female fighter I see out there. So many people are too afraid to say what you've said, because they don't want to "hurt our feelings". Thank you! For being honest and pointing the fingers. Sometimes that's exactly what people need. As a female fighter from another similar sport - I feel compelled to print this off and hand it to each and every other female fighter I see out there. So many people are too afraid to say what you’ve said, because they don’t want to “hurt our feelings”. Thank you! For being honest and pointing the fingers. Sometimes that’s exactly what people need.

]]> By: Gwen of Plain http://swordmaiden.com/combat/toughlove/#comment-4117 Gwen of Plain Tue, 22 Apr 2008 01:41:28 +0000 http://swordmaiden.com/combat/toughlove/#comment-4117 Well said! I'm gonna think of this every time I start thinking about having a good whine! Thanks for putting something like that so straight foward without any beating around the bush. Thanks!!! Well said! I’m gonna think of this every time I start thinking about having a good whine! Thanks for putting something like that so straight foward without any beating around the bush. Thanks!!!

]]> By: Cuindless the Bard http://swordmaiden.com/combat/toughlove/#comment-1411 Cuindless the Bard Thu, 13 Dec 2007 16:58:48 +0000 http://swordmaiden.com/combat/toughlove/#comment-1411 So true! And applicable to us male fighters as well. So often I hear some guy shooting off at the mouth about how hard it is to improve and how little time he has, et cetera, ad nauseum. Just like you said: It's fine if you have different priorities, and it's fine if you're having trouble making progress. It's NOT okay to gripe and moan about it if you're not willing to make an effort to change. So true! And applicable to us male fighters as well. So often I hear some guy shooting off at the mouth about how hard it is to improve and how little time he has, et cetera, ad nauseum. Just like you said: It’s fine if you have different priorities, and it’s fine if you’re having trouble making progress. It’s NOT okay to gripe and moan about it if you’re not willing to make an effort to change.

]]> By: Tiecia http://swordmaiden.com/combat/toughlove/#comment-1161 Tiecia Sun, 25 Nov 2007 03:35:37 +0000 http://swordmaiden.com/combat/toughlove/#comment-1161 Wonderful! It is nice to get a real pep talk. I've been coasting on natural talent for the past few years. This is just the fire I need to make sure I keep working on being a better fighter and not falling back on the old habits of my late teens. Good to remember that the mentioned behavior is not only damaging to the individual woman but the image of women in armor. Wonderful! It is nice to get a real pep talk. I’ve been coasting on natural talent for the past few years. This is just the fire I need to make sure I keep working on being a better fighter and not falling back on the old habits of my late teens. Good to remember that the mentioned behavior is not only damaging to the individual woman but the image of women in armor.

]]> By: mizconnie http://swordmaiden.com/combat/toughlove/#comment-496 mizconnie Mon, 24 Sep 2007 19:23:02 +0000 http://swordmaiden.com/combat/toughlove/#comment-496 well, hahahah that sums it all up! I get authorized tonight and hope i live up to it. The only time i was a candy-ass was when my shield snapped a bit, but i was mad about my shield not my arm. OK you got me , i do cry when i cant go out and fight. well, hahahah that sums it all up! I get authorized tonight and hope i live up to it. The only time i was a candy-ass was when my shield snapped a bit, but i was mad about my shield not my arm. OK you got me , i do cry when i cant go out and fight.

]]> By: Lia http://swordmaiden.com/combat/toughlove/#comment-448 Lia Tue, 11 Sep 2007 11:25:26 +0000 http://swordmaiden.com/combat/toughlove/#comment-448 I've been guilty of those before, but I have the unusual and mixed-blessing opportunity to start over at square one with my fighting. I fought for a year and then after last Estrella got utterly trashed in a car accident coming home. I had to stop fighting entirely for six months, and picked up a sword again for the first time yesterday. It was really hard, but I fought. I found that my attitude was completely different. I used to get really charged after a practice when I was able to defeat people and really bummed after a practice when I fucked up a lot but this time I was able to keep reasonable expectations, *listen* to my mentor when he gave both positive and negative feedback, and stop when I needed to, no matter how good/bad/indifferent it would make me look to the big boys. I guess I had a mix of candyass and dear-god-how-will-I-ever-prove-myself, but it's all cleared away now. It's just what I will do today, and where I'm going to take that. I need to be in condition to fight all next Estrella. Right now my muscles are so atrophied I can barely hold my shield more than a minute or two... let alone use it productively. But I didn't need to complain about that. It's not my fault or anyone else's that I'm weak and out of shape right now, but it's my responsibility to decide what to do about it and implement it. I don't recomend getting into terrible car accidents and lying in bed for two months. It's no good for the career, and it hurts a lot (although I do have the badass-est Estrella wounds ever). But you CAN shift your attitude and you CAN change your habits. Whining will not get you anywhere. If you don't *want* to get anywhere, consider taking up a new hobby. Try making lace. You can sit around with other ladies and get nowhere for HOURS, and they let you bitch about it. If you have any aspirations... don't waste your energy focusing on what's going wrong. You'll only get more frustrated by dwelling on what you suck at rather than using that regognition to improve. I’ve been guilty of those before, but I have the unusual and mixed-blessing opportunity to start over at square one with my fighting. I fought for a year and then after last Estrella got utterly trashed in a car accident coming home. I had to stop fighting entirely for six months, and picked up a sword again for the first time yesterday. It was really hard, but I fought. I found that my attitude was completely different. I used to get really charged after a practice when I was able to defeat people and really bummed after a practice when I fucked up a lot but this time I was able to keep reasonable expectations, *listen* to my mentor when he gave both positive and negative feedback, and stop when I needed to, no matter how good/bad/indifferent it would make me look to the big boys. I guess I had a mix of candyass and dear-god-how-will-I-ever-prove-myself, but it’s all cleared away now. It’s just what I will do today, and where I’m going to take that. I need to be in condition to fight all next Estrella. Right now my muscles are so atrophied I can barely hold my shield more than a minute or two… let alone use it productively. But I didn’t need to complain about that. It’s not my fault or anyone else’s that I’m weak and out of shape right now, but it’s my responsibility to decide what to do about it and implement it.

I don’t recomend getting into terrible car accidents and lying in bed for two months. It’s no good for the career, and it hurts a lot (although I do have the badass-est Estrella wounds ever). But you CAN shift your attitude and you CAN change your habits. Whining will not get you anywhere. If you don’t *want* to get anywhere, consider taking up a new hobby. Try making lace. You can sit around with other ladies and get nowhere for HOURS, and they let you bitch about it. If you have any aspirations… don’t waste your energy focusing on what’s going wrong. You’ll only get more frustrated by dwelling on what you suck at rather than using that regognition to improve.

]]> By: Doireann http://swordmaiden.com/combat/toughlove/#comment-116 Doireann Thu, 12 Apr 2007 04:12:27 +0000 http://swordmaiden.com/combat/toughlove/#comment-116 Thank you. As a new armored fighter I'll know what *not* to do! Thank you. As a new armored fighter I’ll know what *not* to do!

]]> By: SuGyong http://swordmaiden.com/combat/toughlove/#comment-114 SuGyong Wed, 11 Apr 2007 16:04:49 +0000 http://swordmaiden.com/combat/toughlove/#comment-114 I saved this in my folder when it was sent out to all of the mailing lists.. *deeply satisfied sigh* I'm so glad someone finally said it! I saved this in my folder when it was sent out to all of the mailing lists..

*deeply satisfied sigh* I’m so glad someone finally said it!

]]> By: robyn http://swordmaiden.com/combat/toughlove/#comment-111 robyn Sat, 31 Mar 2007 16:39:16 +0000 http://swordmaiden.com/combat/toughlove/#comment-111 I just LOVE the term candyass! I´ll reserve it for the MALE whiners on my practice... LOL! I just LOVE the term candyass! I´ll reserve it for the MALE whiners on my practice… LOL!

]]> By: Ish http://swordmaiden.com/combat/toughlove/#comment-36 Ish Tue, 20 Mar 2007 16:18:52 +0000 http://swordmaiden.com/combat/toughlove/#comment-36 Damn, that was harsh. I respectfully apologize to everyone for being a whiny candyass. I hope to see you all on the field so that I can learn something from you handing me my ass! Damn, that was harsh. I respectfully apologize to everyone for being a whiny candyass. I hope to see you all on the field so that I can learn something from you handing me my ass!

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